It's All Because Two People Fell in Love...

Brad Paisley hit the nail on the head for a good wedding mantra with that song. It's hard to remember -- but crucial to try -- that ultimately the wedding is about two people in love joining their lives together. Their family and friends too. It is not about who is staying in what hotel. It is not about the mix-ins with the flowers. It is not about who makes the rehearsal. Or what readings are done. Or whether it rains (as the Almanac is predicting). Or whether my hair is too wavy... or not curly enough. Or who sits with whom - or doesn't want to sit with whom. Or whether I can get my contacts in or end up wearing glasses (or squinting and keeping my fingers crossed that I don't upset people trying to catch my eye to say hello). Or whether the dances work with my dress. Or whether the songs I love most get played. Or whether the transportation shows on time, late, or not at all (but I really hope it's the former). Or who wants a role in the wedding. Or who won't be able to come to the wedding. Or any number of other things.

It's easy to get caught up in details, when anxiety starts hitting about the big things. Anxiety is a funny animal - sometimes you don't even know when it has entered the room and it may be there lurking for a while before it growls in your face. People have been pulling me aside, calling and texting to ask how I am doing and whether I am stressed and how stressed I am. Up until yesterday, I was saying honestly, "it hasn't really hit yet." 24 days out and it hadn't caught up with me yet.

But all it took was one little thing coming at the wrong time and it is here. An issue -- not all that major in the end -- raised after a stressful conversation about work and suddenly, I was feeling my muscles stiffen, my stomach churn and four letter words leave my lips. Oy.

It took a while (and a good night of sleep and crisp early morning walk) to get back to a rational place. I can focus on the big things again and not worry about the little ones. For example:

- We have our marriage license. And it is packed in a box of favors and other necessaries for the wedding. We WILL be getting married.
- We did a final walk-through (or two) of the venue. On one of our visits, the random Tuesday when we went to get our marriage license, it was blustery, cold and rainy. A gross day, perfect for moping and shivering. But when we stepped inside the Buttery, the coziness broke through my funk and calm flooded through me. I had to stay for lunch and cozy up in the studio and watch the trees and rain blow by outside. Even if it rains on our wedding, it will be perfect - and in fact, possibly more perfect (other than the fact that the hayrides would be canceled) because we will also have fires in the fireplaces and candles on all the tables.
- My hair and makeup trials went well. There are still a few details to work out, but I love the women I'll be working with and they will go a long way to keeping me calm on the actual day. And if I don't like something, I can always wash it off/out.
- The flowers are set. The florist has the finalized flower plan and I can just sit back and wait to see them on the big day. Even if I did email my mom at late o'clock last night to say "what if I think I want them totally different." They will be beautiful and they will be fine. And I always have the Zinnia Guy just a few steps from where I am staying.

More good things have happened, too, but guests have to wait to see those on the big day itself!

Relaxation

I keep wearing myself down and getting sick. So lucky for me, this week was pretty much devoid of any wedding must-dos (besides thank you notes, of course!) and I have been able to relax a bit. At this point, I have very few to dos left. Even the checklist on theknot.com can't think of much to yell at me about. So I can just focus on getting un-sick.

My big wedding accomplishment of the week besides thank you notes has been beauty stuff. I set my hair and makeup trial appointments for September. My mom and I will head up to the Quiet Corner in a couple of weeks for a day of fun. I wouldn't want to go without her, since she'll be an objective set of eyes at those appointments. Especially because it is hard to pick vendors from across the state, having never used them before.

The biggest outstanding issue at this point is the boys' formalwear, an issue that isn't really "mine" although I keep worrying about it. D and one of his groomsman will hopefully resolve that tomorrow. Also, the whole issue of kids at our wedding will be addressed tonight in a meeting, and we will then re-work our ceremony this weekend. Stressful (yes, I tweaked my neck out BADLY again) but at least that drama is almost over.

I am excited for the weekend because D and I plan on breaking in the new waffle maker (my bro's "shower" gift, which he ordered us to use before the wedding) and I also want to make the "Navajo Peach Crumble" recipe my aunt sent me for my shower. With fresh peaches from the farmers market. Yum!

Also, my second dress fitting is tomorrow... hopefully the tailor won't turn me into a human pincushion again :(

Perspective.

I got stuck at a stoplight this morning, in a not-as-nice area of town. As I waited for the light to change, I saw a woman laden down with shopping bags coaxing her young daughter away from some flowers to cross the street. The little girl did not want to leave those few little flowers behind, so the mom waited and missed the first walk signal. Her daughter, not more than three or four years old, had a pink hat, a bit too small, perched on top of her head. Her completely bald head. I don't know for sure if she was undergoing chemo, or if something else was the cause. But THAT is not fair.

Heartache

I love D. A lot. So much that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. But I am not sure I am ready to make that commitment to his family too. There are some issues there, issues that may force us to overhaul our vision of our wedding and acquiesce to someone else's view. We have been told that if we have the wedding as we want and have planned, there may be "hard feelings." We have been threatened that someone may not attend. This sucks. Like seriously sucks. It is so totally unfair.

Amazing.

I have some seriously amazing women in my life. A whole group of them from many stages of my life. And they rock.

My shower and bachelorette party are over. I am a bit sad, naturally. But I also keep randomly smiling throughout the day, remembering little snippets of conversation and moments of laughter from that day and night.

What a wonderful life!

Eeeeeee!

Getting ready for a day and night with my besties! So excited :D

I finally got out of bed a few minutes ago, after laying there for over an hour trying to calm down and get back to sleep. Time for a quiet walk before the neighborhood wakes up, then shower and bachelorette party!!!

Ceremony? Check.

Neither D nor I is particularly religious. Although I was very active in my Episcopalian church growing up, I have drifted away from Sunday morning church since college. D was raised Jewish, but he, too, attends services only on the biggest holy days at this point. So when it came to finding a place to be married, we were flexible. Same when it came to our officiants. Inside, outside, any faith... it was all fair game.

I had always assumed I would have an Episcopalian wedding - whatever that was - but admired those couples who wrote their own ceremony. Never did I think that might be us, even in part. But suddenly, I found myself hitting send on an email entitled "Ceremony Script," the words D and I had prepared for our ceremony, which we were sending to our officiants to review.

Our officiants provided us with some words and passages they like and some that are common in the Unitarian faith. But it was up to us to pick those words that resonated with us, those readings that reflected and/or inspired us and those vows which we wanted to pledge to one another as we become husband and wife.

It is a cool feeling to say "Ok, how do we want to be married? What do we really want to say to each other and our friends and families in honor of the commitment we are making?" However, it is a bit scary to be pretty much entirely in charge of the words we pick to solemnize our marriage. What if we pick the wrong things? Or if we pick the "perfect" words, only to later realize something else would have been "more perfect"?

We ended up with some fairly traditional content in parts of our ceremony, and unique elements blended into other sections. Even the traditional content feels more "us" because we hashed out alternatives and then truly chose those words as expressions of what we want to say on our big day. They have meaning to us beyond the "default" words out of the standard prayer book.

But as a perfectionist, having this much say means inevitably that I will be revising and re-thinking until October 9th. Even if D (who's so wonderful and laid-back) is satisfied, I know I won't be able to help myself, and I'll just keep tweaking. If only I could say "good enough" and let it go!



One thing I am torn over is a "traditional Native American" blessing:

Above you are the stars, below you are the stones. As time does pass, remember; Like a star should your love be constant, Like a stone should your love be firm.

I love it for its simplicity and grounded-ness (did I just make up that word?)... But when I researched it online to try to track down its origin, it was included in examples of "pagan" ceremonies (fine) and "satanic" ceremonies (totally and extremely NOT fine). I recoiled from it for its possible connections, despite loving its words and its message. So I have removed it from our ceremony. While on the one hand I love it, I am simultaneously uncomfortable with it because I can't say for sure that it isn't in some way a satanic cult prayer. But I think I'll keep seeking more information, hoping that it really is just an Apache or Cherokee blessing and nothing more.

Busy Sunday

There is less than one week until my bridal shower and bachelorette party and I am beyond excited! I get to see all my closest friends, all together, for a fun-filled girly weekend :)

The plan involves the girls staying over at D's and my new house, and it will be the first time any of them have seen it. It will also be the ultimate test - fitting 7 or 8 girls onto a bed, a futon, a couch and a few air mattresses, all within 800 square feet. Hopefully the house is up for the challenge!



D and I spent today doing a lot of cleaning. Just like I plan to glam up for the weekend's festivities, the house gets to as well. Last year when we moved into our last rental, we moved in at the end of June and had a 4th of July party planned for a bunch of people. We unpacked FAST. This year, with our new house that we own, we wanted to take our time and unpack carefully since we will hopefully be here for years (or decades!) and we wanted to be smart about it. We tentatively planned a housewarming party, but were quite unmotivated on the unpacking and didn't go forward with it. So the house has not been warmed yet. And as of today, much still had not been unpacked.

As of this evening, a lot has been done. More boxes have been emptied, recycled and contents sorted and put away. We've been here a month and used this day to re-organize certain things around the way we've been using the house. We also gave here a good top to bottom cleaning. We've been good (very good for us!) about cleaning frequently, but a house full of guests motivated us to get all the corners and little areas we might otherwise rush through. We'll clean once more on Friday before the Saturday festivities.

Then I just get to sit back, relax and enjoy the company of all the women I love most in this world. I can't wait!!

The Accidental Cake

I wasn't planning on having a cake. Or rather, D and I weren't planning on having a cake. We had a great idea for a different dessert, one that is very "us" -- and delicious to boot.

But to have the tradition of cutting a piece, we would have had to cut one dessert in half, an odd bit of ceremony for two people joining together. The more I thought about it, the more I didn't like the idea of ceremoniously cutting something in half at a party to celebrate us joining together.

I set out looking for a small cake from which D and I could jointly cut a piece, but somewhere along the way, that one small cake became a real, actual wedding cake. And I am (strangely, at least to me) very excited about it. For one thing, it is just so pretty!! And after I spoke with the baker about what flavors and fillings I wanted and my mom and I placed the order, I got all giddy. Like a trousseau, a traditional wedding cake is something I never wanted until my mom and I went to get it... and I got all emotional and excited.

I think my excitement was fueled by the fact that the woman making our cake is really nice and operates her shop out of her home. Not to mention that her cakes are good looking too!



Maybe we'll be ordering one of these from her in a few years? :)

Rubber Stamps... or How I Became a DIY-er

Just as much as Martha Stewart Weddings and other traditional bridal magazines appealed to me through the years (well prior to my engagement), non-traditional bride websites and blogs have appealed to me since becoming a Fiance. I love reading about all the clever, heart-warming and utterly unique weddings couples have created. I love the idea of having a ceremony that is totally "us" - not a packaged celebration that 3 other brides have the same weekend at the same venue.

D is the kind of guy who wants to fix everything himself in the new house we bought. And together, we decided to try to put our stamp on our wedding. That being said, we know our limitations. I started off our wedding planning process in a high-stress job, and he continues in such a job to this day. We knew our time would be limited, and I also recognized that my craftiness is limited. We never thought we would become a DIY bride and groom.

Then we designed our Save the Dates. (And our second Save the Dates, when we needed a new venue.) Then we hand-addressed our own invitations. We came up with a few very personal ideas for the ceremony. We decided to assemble our favors ourselves. Nothing too major.

But then we started looking at programs and menus and even escort cards. And I realized that nothing out there looked right. Nothing comes close to the look or feel of our invitations, which we love. So somewhere along the line, my Googling switched over from pre-made items to the components to make the items. I am now excited to hit up the Great American Stamp Store, a store I never knew existed, despite passing it hundreds of times.



I'm looking forward to leaving our stamp (bad pun intended) on our wedding!

Weekend Fun

Tonight, D and I are headed to a friend's wedding. He's a bit under the weather (I think I gave him what I had last week), but I'm still looking forward to dancing :)

Tomorrow, we're heading to the Quiet Corner to take care of some details and maybe pick up some delicious wine. We need to set up some of our activities, like the wine tasting. We also need to tie down a few loose ends in contracts and get started on our information-booklet gathering mission for our guests

I also have an appointment with the second of two (yes, only two) hair salons in the area that do weddings. It's hard to find a good hair place a couple of hours away, especially when I have no idea who to ask! I've asked some younger female vendors for references, but all roads seem to lead back to the same places.

On a completely unrelated note, it's funny to think of all the weddings we imagined ourselves having, but didn't end up going for in the end...



Have a good weekend!

The "Maine" Event, Part Deux

While in Bar Harbor, D and I have chosen to stay at two different B&Bs. Can you guess who picked each one?

The Atlantean Inn:




Images from the Atlantean Inn.

The Bass Cottage Inn:




Images from here and here. Also see the Bass Cottage Inn - our room is Room 9 but I couldn't get the picture on here. The picture above is another pretty room.

From our inns, it will be a quick trip to Acadia and to the quaint downtown of Bar Harbor.

I can't wait until October, when I get to stroll around, take in the sights and enjoy some much-needed relaxation with my new husband!

The "Maine" Event

I was talking to an old friend last night and when I told him about our honeymoon he said, "That's cool!" I was a bit unsure of people's opinions about it at first, because I've always been the warm-beach-vacation type. But, I have to say that in my opinion, the honeymoon D and I have planned is cool. And exciting. And very us. We're going to Maine, and staying at one spa and two bed & breakfasts as we travel along the coast. We plan to take in the coastal scenery, explore the towns along the way, indulge in some delicious meals (and spa treatments), savor the last vibrant hues of the fall foliage, and hike in beautiful Acadia National Park.


Image here.

Now, before I say anymore about Maine, it bears mention that this is NOT the honeymoon I had envisioned. I had always imagined the "traditional" Caribbean honeymoon, complete with tropical plants, warm breezes, exotic cocktails, hours upon hours relaxing on soft sands (in swimsuits, of course), and love magically in the air. D and I initially planned that route. We planned in Nevis, St. Lucia, Barbados, the Bahamas, Aruba, and even Bermuda and Hawaii. We had traveled to Aruba in the past, and I had always planned (and I guess, assumed) that our honeymoon would be similar, but much more luxurious.



But somewhere along the way, the planning wasn't as fun as I'd imagined. In fact, it was down right stressful. Our thinking fell into odd ruts, such as "We don't want to go to just any island - this should be a special island we would not otherwise visit." But that thinking then led us to islands where a day of our honeymoon on each end would be consumed with travel, on trains, planes, cars, water taxis, and more. That didn't sound very relaxing to me. On top of planning a wedding and getting married... Even getting to the airport began to sound less and less fun.

Plus, I've been really allergic to bugs recently, so finding a Caribbean island not infested with mosquitoes and the like became the honeymoon holy grail. But in October, the tail end of rainy season, it's hard to find an island without bugs. Period.

Oh, and rainy season? Yeah, that's the tail end of hurricane season. (Which apparently is predicted to be quite bad this year, a fact we found out well after we changed our plans to Maine.)

Somewhere along the way, we threw out Maine as an option. Then we came back to it one night when we were struggling to pick a destination. And it kindof stuck. We found some cute places to stay in a B&B guidebook we have. (Sidenote: We've gotten really into staying at B&Bs, so this will be fun for that aspect too, since we'll be staying at a couple!) We started to think about the relaxation we could find there, perusing cute old towns for antiques, sitting by the ocean, walking on the coast and in the forest... doing a lot of the things we love to do, but on a luxurious honeymoon while exploring a new place together. And all we have to do to get there is hop in our car and drive a few hours? Yes, please!

We will start our honeymoon in Cape Elizabeth, at the Inn by the Sea.




Images here.

When we're not strolling the coast, or indulging in spa treatments, we'll explore local towns such as Freeport, Portland and Kennebunkport.


Image here.


Image here.

Then we'll drive up along the coast to Bar Harbor.


Image here.

We'll explore the streets of Bar Harbor and hike in Acadia, returning each night to the comfort of our B&Bs...

Transportation Troubles

We fell in love with the Quiet Corner in large part because of its rural beauty. The winding roads passing through farms and fields, the peace and quiet with few other cars on the road, the stars brilliant in the sky at night. Yet it is that rural nature that also concerns us when it comes to our guests. We have chosen a 1000-acre farm for our reception, off a small winding road in the countryside. The stars are brilliant at night because the surrounding land is pitch black. Guests will be staying at several B&Bs tucked away on country lanes 15-20 minutes away, as well as a hotel a town away.

D and I have been to the Quiet Corner numerous times and feel fairly comfortable driving around -- at least when it is light out. When darkness falls, we still miss turns and question whether we are lost sometimes.



So we are fairly certain that our guests, never having been in the area, may have some difficulty finding their way around when it's light out, nevermind once the sun goes down. Add a wedding reception -- and a drink or two over the evening -- into the mix and we worry that people will have a hard time getting home.

We decided to provide shuttles to the ceremony/reception and home from the reception so that our guests do not have to worry. Now we just hope that the transportation is there when we need it. We understand (and usually love) that things in the Quiet Corner are done a bit differently. For example, vendors don't all have contracts to be signed. We technically have a contract for our shuttles, but the owner of the transportation company (the only one in the area) has been a bit difficult to reach at times... So it looks like we may spend the next two months confirming and re-confirming and re-re-confirming that we will, in fact, have drivers to take care of our guests after our reception.

I know that in the end it will all work out. If worst comes to worst, we have relatives who will be *more* familiar with the area who prefer to drive themselves and will be able to help others get home. But it's still stressful at just over two months out to have to cross my fingers and hope at this point!

To Seat or Not to Seat...

We're having a buffet dinner in a restaurant that happens to be in a barn. A barn with many tables of different sizes, situated in several rooms.





When we thought about doing a seating plan, we got worried that it would be impossible or close to that. Our initial thought was to let people seat themselves. We're really striving for a wedding where people come in for the weekend and get to know each other. We've kept it as small as possible and included just our closest friends and family, many of whom know each other (or who we really want to meet each other because we think they'll hit it off). So we figured that people would mingle at pre-wedding activities and cocktail hour, and even as they headed through the buffet line, and then sit down with their new best friends wherever tables were open.

But then we thought about weddings we had attended. And we thought about our guests and how they would feel being forced to find seating (at such odd size tables!). We worried that a group of 5 friends from one place might sit together at a table of 8, with 3 spots left over where two couples that wanted to fit together couldn't. Or that the 5 wouldn't be able to sit together because all that was left would be seats in 1's and 2's at tables of 12. Or that we'd be so busy making sure people found places to sit that we'd miss each other and most of our reception in the process.

So we've decided, for better or worse, to dress it up a little and plan the seating out. And we're thinking it may not look half bad when we finish it up!



*Photos in this post are either by D and me or from the Golden Lamb.*

Starting to Feel Like a Bride

We have been in the midst of a flurry of wedding activity here and the wedding is really coming together. And I've finally gotten into and and am now having fun and enjoying being a Bride!

The flowers are set, although I do keep wavering on all white vs. colored flowers for me. I thought I wanted all white but saw a gorgeous bouquet at the farmers market this weekend - white lilies mixed with white something else that was dainty and looked wildflower-ish. They were divine! I saw this little girl who happened to be in a white dress walking around the market holding them, and immediately thought of them for my wedding. Except they're not really for fall...

Invitations have gone out and responses have come back. Reading the messages from people has been so much fun as we open each response. And it's been great to start collecting song requests too :) I've also learned how important it is to respond ASAP for weddings to give the bride peace of mind getting her responses before the deadline. And I also missed another bride's deadline in the midst of everything :( We've registered, and even received our first gifts! And while I like presents as much as anyone, it's even more fun coming home to our new house each day, and if there's a package, knowing that inside is something we will use to make our home here for years to come.

D and I have also been working on our ceremony and making sure we don't lose sight of us... or lose the forest for the trees as he likes to say.



I can't believe it's just 75 days away! I can't wait until I'm here, looking out my window at this view :)

Or Not...

Yeah, so the wedding planning kick did not last very long. In fact, I never even made it back to the stationery store for the invites. Nor did I make it back to the florist. And I almost missed the hard deadline for ordering bridesmaid dresses. (A huge thank you to all of my awesome bridesmaids!) I spent a few months not doing wedding planning (more than a few if you add on those earlier months too), and it showed!

But, now in the last week or so, progress has been made.
- D and I found -- and ordered! -- invitations we liked. And we started addressing them last night over some wine :)
- Flowers have been ordered. My mom decided to just move forward since I wasn't hugely interested in it.
- Makeup artist has been reserved. She was so sweet, she kept me "penciled in" for about 3 months, even though I never sent her the deposit check I was supposed to send.
- We have transportation. (Although we are still trying to get the guy with the shuttle vans for our guests to send us a contract...)
- We put some items on our registries.
- We decided on and booked our honeymoon.

- We hashed through details of the rehearsal dinner with D's family.
- We assigned rooms for our relatives and closest friends. (Somehow those 18 rooms were one of the biggest challenges in our planning to date.)


- We had our engagement session photo shoot. And it was fun!

What prompted this flurry?
- A friend got engaged and entirely planned her (small) wedding in just the few months I was ignoring mine.
- I started a new job in design and once again enjoyed design and planning beautiful things.
- Our original wedding date approached (and passed) - 7/4/10. It was bittersweet, but it made me realize that this planning only happens once and also reminded me that the new wedding is coming up SOON. (It also helped me remember how much planning I had done for that wedding and why I was a bit burned out going into this!)

- We passed the 100 day mark until our wedding.
- We bought a new house (if I can do that, I can plan a wedding, right?) and we moved -- and were forced to confront our wedding papers and half-done to-do lists.

- We did our engagement photo session and had a blast. Between that fun day and reviewing the pictures after, we renewed our enthusiasm about the wedding. (If I can figure out how to post pictures from that, I will.)

Now I can hopefully stay on track. And maybe even get motivated to work out a bit? I can dream...

Back in the Saddle

After Valentine's Day, the wedding planning came to an abrupt halt. For some reason I could not get myself excited about any elements of the planning. I blame the invitations. [Shudder.]

Invitations are a new world for me, one part of this wedding planning process I will be glad never ever to do again! As anyone who knows me well - or merely tries to help me buy something in a store - can attest, I am horrible with decisions. (Exhibit A = what I want to be when I grow up. But I digress...) I am so so bad at deciding on something, and the difficulty I have making a decision increases exponentially with the number of options. If I need to choose between two things, I have a hard time, but I know my finite options, have time to compare the two things, and can choose relatively easily (for me). If I have to choose between four things (even the mini donut hole flavors we used to have at work), it takes longer as I must compare each against each other. Fast forward to the 8,496,892,830,193 possible invitation styles, multiply that by the 5,679,049 possible fonts, multiply THAT by the 4,345,930,983 colors (and you can do more than one color on a single invitation!), and multiply THAT by the 64,922 "motifs" (little picture/icon thingies) you can place on the invitation. I won't even discuss the possibilities for the placement of the motif. UGH!

My first foray to the stationery store was solo and well over two hours later, I was exhausted. (I wish I had taken pictures of the dozens of binders surrounding us on the table!) So I corralled D one Saturday morning, warned him that there were a gazillion options and the saleslady liked to talk, formulated our escape plan with him, and brought him to the store. Another two hours later, the two of us left again in a bit of a daze. We had narrowed down some options and while we had no set choices, at least we had each other.

So I dragged my mom with me on the next visit. My mom is artistic and has a great eye, so when she went on her spring break from school, I went back to the store with her. Again, I warned her about the saleslady and we formulated an escape plan. We would look quickly and be out in half an hour or so. Another two hours later, we had really narrowed down some possibilities and, thanks to mom, I had a mock-up invitation to bring home to D. Mom likes it, I like it, D likes it... sounds like we're all set! Now I just have to brave the store one last quick time to order them... and decide on envelope linings, double vs. single envelopes, escort cards, and all those other cards. Maybe I'll recover first and go in a few weeks?

Luckily, the invitations were the only really bad project in the last month. The other wedding-related activities were much more pleasant. My dress had come in and mom and I finally went to try her on and set up some accessories. Mom also got her dress! That was a good day, because the emotion of the wedding was in full force, actually trying on MY dress and envisioning my walk down the aisle. That same emotion was lacking on invitation day - picturing our invitations on people's fridges didn't exactly make me tear up!

Mom and I also spent a day in the Quiet Corner talking to florists. The only disappointment was that ranunculus is not a fall flower. From my idea-scouting missions on the internet, I thought that orange ranunculus flowers were a fall wedding staple. Apparently not, so I had to revise my vision of my bouquet. My mom is all about me carrying roses - because my dress is quiet formal for the wedding location, she wants the flowers to help dress it all up. I really had no interest in roses, but I think she has a good point. The florist we both really liked agreed with her on that point too.

Dave and I had a few ideas about a "theme" for our wedding and my mom really pulled it all together with the invitations and flowers/centerpieces. I am torn about whether to show pictures of what we decided (or even talk about the details at all). Part of me wants it to be a surprise, and because I can't undo it if I disclose it here (to the few guests/bridesmaids who read), it's going to stay secret for now :)

Unplugged

Our Valentine's Day weekend getaway was amazing. We stayed at the Elias Child House in Woodstock, CT, an antique home dating back to the very early 1700s. The house has original details including a fireplace in every room. We enjoyed spending more time exploring the Quiet Corner and just being still - a favorite activity was simply watching the sunset over the fields out our window while sipping some champagne or wine. They also had wonderful hiking trails through their 50 acre property and neighbors' lands as well. It was a wonderful slow-down escape.



We also spent a fair amount of time with the B&B owners, MaryBeth and Tony, and the other couples staying for the weekend. (Cue the "It's a Small World" music: one of the three other couples lives literally two blocks from us.) We enjoyed long lingering breakfasts (after about 1.5 hours one morning I actually was like ok I neeeeed to get moving...) and also spent a really fun and unique night bottling our own wine at a local vineyard, Taylor Brooke Winery. The night did get a tiny bit rowdy as the wine flowed and the hours passed, but the room got quiet as each new course of the gourmet dinner was served and people savored the food (and wine).

When we returned home, I did not want to be on the computer. But, almost a week later, I am up early on a Saturday morning and looking for something to do before breakfast, so I think my internet hiatus is over.

The only downside of the weekend: we forgot our cameras. (Neither of us remembered to pack one!) So we have no pictures to share. Or at least no pictures that we can share at this time -- I did take pictures on my cell phone, which has a decent camera and even has its own microdisc like the regular camera. However, I cannot for the life of me figure out how to get those pictures off of the phone and onto my computer now... grr! Any ideas?

Valentine's in the Quiet Corner

D and I will be leaving shortly for our weekend getaway. We'll be staying at the Elias Child House and enjoying some fun activities, including a wine tasting and wine making evening at a local vineyard. In between our evenings at the B&B, we'll address some wedding odds and ends and we're also bringing skis and snowshoes just in case :)

Happy Valentine's Day!

In-Between Moments

I've been really anxious about several aspects of our wedding since we started planning, but my biggest worry has undoubtedly been making sure our guests all feel important and included. I am afraid that some guests will be upset if they travel a great distance and only see us for a few minutes at the reception. My fear started after our engagement party, an event with fewer people than the actual wedding, where I still felt pulled in a million directions and deeply regret not being able to spend more time with certain people. Our reception is only five hours. (Yes, that sounds like a long time, but pictures will eat up some of our time there, our official parent dances will eat up more, we are hoping to eat some of the Buttery's yummy food, and we also would like to have a couple of dances without the spotlight on us.) And within those five hours, we have well over a hundred people with whom we want to spend time. Over a hundred people with whom we probably want to spend the entire time. Over a hundred people who will have traveled to celebrate our wedding and spend time with us. I want them all to leave our wedding weekend feeling like an integral part of our celebration. I don't want any guests to feel like they searched all night for us only to receive a quick hug and thank you for coming speech.

D and I are planning a holiday weekend wedding and our hope from the start has been that friends and family will come up and spend several days with us, enjoying various activities. While we don't have the budget to pay for multiple activities, we can at least organize simple events (like apple picking, wine tasting, hiking, etc.) for other days. However, we wonder if people will actually arrive early/stay late and join in these additional optional activities.

I have been reading a blog called 2000 Dollar Wedding (their story is awesome!) for a while and while the author, Sara, always provides great tips and offers advice on tough planning dilemmas, one post a few days ago really resonated with me. She described certain "in-between moments" during her wedding weekend -- those moments between the "major events" -- where she and her now-husband spent high quality time with guests.

Her wording captured the essence of what Dave and I have been hoping to accomplish with our additional activities and her post illustrated the importance of these moments. I shared it with Dave and we agreed this was a concept we wanted to highlight for our guests so they could understand why these optional activities are on the agenda and why we really want to see them there. Hopefully these events will allow the guests who attend to spend time with us and also meet each other. And hopefully our reception will feel less like quick hellos to guests and more like a succession of congratulatory hugs from people with whom we're in the midst of spending a wonderful weekend.

And then we won't feel too bad stealing away on a private hayride... for just a few minutes... :)

Super Bowl Fun

D and I have been getting more into entertaining. Or maybe I was the weakest link before (when I was still at the firm) and now I am up to speed with entertaining. In any event, we've had fun going out with new people, having a dinner club with my bestest old friends and also inviting more people to our place for various occasions.

For the Colts/Saints game, we decided to host a Super Bowl party, complete with some themed food. The recipes were well-received, and sound pretty yummy for a cold snowy day like today. I've been thinking about posting recipes on this blog anyway, to keep me accountable on my new cooking kick, so maybe this is a good way to start.

For the Saints: Bourbon-Glazed Chicken Wings from Bon Apetit, February 2010:

2 tablespoons (1/4 stick) butter
1 cup chopped onion
3 garlic cloves, peeled, thinly sliced (we used 3 teaspoons of minced pre-prepared garlic)
1 cup bourbon, divided
1 cup ketchup
1/2 cup hot pepper sauce (the wings were not too spicy at all, so you might want to use more!)
1/4 cup tomato paste
3 tablespoons (packed) golden brown sugar
30 chicken pieces (c. 4 pounds)

Melt butter in heavy large saucepan over medium-high heat. Add onion and garlic; sauté until golden, about 5 minutes. Add 3/4 cup bourbon; boil until most of liquid is absorbed, 6 to 8 minutes. Whisk in 1/4 cup bourbon, ketchup, hot pepper sauce, tomato paste, and brown sugar. Bring to boil. Reduce heat and simmer until sauce thickens slightly, stirring occasionally, about 10 minutes. Season marinade with salt and pepper. Remove marinade from heat; cool to room temperature.

Place chicken pieces in 15 x 10 x 2-inch glass baking dish. Pour marinade over and turn pieces to coat. Cover and refrigerate overnight.

Preheat oven to 375°F. Line baking sheet with foil or parchment paper. (We didn't and it still wasn't too bad to clean.) Place cooling rack atop prepared baking sheet. Arrange pieces on rack, spacing slightly apart. Spread any remaining marinade from dish over chicken. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Bake chicken (still on cooling rack) until cooked through and brown in spots, about 45 minutes.

Serve on platter with Blue Cheese Sauce: a cup of blue cheese (we used gorgonzola) crumbles to a cup of sour cream (we used light). Can mix in chopped parsley too. Add celery (and/or carrot) sticks if you're so inclined. Enjoy!

Colts: Tater Tot Casserole (Gotta love the midwestern casseroles!)

1 lb. ground beef
1 onion
1 bag tater tots
2 cans cream of chicken soup
Shredded cheddar cheese to taste

Preheat oven to 350. Chop onion and brown onion and beef in skillet until cooked (sprinkle salt and pepper if desired). Take 13x9 baking dish, spray Pam on bottom, then layer beef and onion mixture. Spread some cheddar cheese (to taste) as next layer. Put between 1 and 2 full cans of cream of chicken soup (again, to taste) as third layer. Arrange tater tots as fourth layer. More shredded cheddar, to taste, as fifth layer. Bake at 350 or so for about 20 minutes. Enjoy!

I quite enjoyed my first time eating a tater tot casserole - or honestly, a tater tot for that matter. Now, as of today, back to healthier eating for a while. Or maybe starting tomorrow - I'm watching the snow fall outside the windows and as the world gets whiter, I think some hot chocolate is calling my name!

8 Months

8 months from today, at just about this time, our wedding will be over, the reception will be winding down and our married life will be just beginning. It's a somewhat surreal thought -- even though D and I sometimes feel married, it's still pretty intense to imagine the actual commitment.


[Photo from Colonial Meetinghouses of New England]

Last night, D and I starting working through materials sent by our celebrants-to-be. We have some readings we really like and want to incorporate and they have some great ideas for other elements of our ceremony.

We also worked through some ceremony music. I love love love Pachelbel's Canon and have since I was young, before I knew it was a traditional song for a bride's entrance. I always imagined I would walk down the aisle to that song. But as bride after bride walked to it in movie after movie, I started to feel ambivalent about it. I still loved the song, but I was not sure about having that be THE song. Then, last night, we had a bit of an inspiration and thought up a bunch of songs for the ceremony. Dave's long-time music teacher will be our pianist and can rock out any songs we select. I remembered a song Dave learned for me early on when we were dating(one which this same teacher helped him learn) and we thought about whether that might work for a bridal entrance. After some thinking, we're hoping to have Dave's teacher rework that song for a perfectly us entrance.

Wonderful Friday Surprise

As an update on this post, I got some big news yesterday!

The Dress has arrived! She (I have to call her she because she's just so pretty!) is safe and sound at a little bridal salon I found in Bethel, CT. Yes, she is about 8 months early (4 actually because of our delayed wedding date) but she's here! I called my mom at work as soon as I got the call yesterday and we got all giddy. Then I spent a bit of time going through pictures to really refresh my mind.

The timing of her arrival is funny. I had called the salon the day before to see if she was there yet. No, not yet, but we'll call you. Then the night before I had an awful dream involving a Jersey-Shore-style dress that showed up in her place... actually made out of cotton jersey fabric, and with scraps hanging down ala the scissors style some of the Jersey Shore girls seem to favor. (I searched for a picture but couldn't find one to really capture the trashiness of the dress from my dream.) That nightmare actually woke me up in the middle of the night!

Now the shaping up process must commence in earnest - fittings start in about 6 months. I've heard The Shred and P90X are intense (at least I think those are the names). I used to be a runner and I also would like to incorporate yoga into my routine -- all the stress-busting help I can cram in will be much needed as October approaches.

By the way, the salon where I ordered my dress is Occasions in Bethel, CT. Occasions is a cute little shop I found randomly while I was working in town one day. Gail, the owner, is so sweet and great to work with. The store itself sells wedding gowns, bridesmaid dresses, mother-of-the-bride dresses, prom dresses, shoes, accessories, etc. That being said, it is a small store. It is not fancy. The selection was great for what I was looking for - they carry unique dresses I didn't find elsewhere, and also try not to sell people the same dress who might cross paths - but Occasions is not Kleinfeld's or the like. No glamorous chandeliers or private fitting areas. In fact, as one review I read (after the fact) suggested, yes you will likely see other brides, especially if you go on a Saturday. And you may end up having to switch off in front of the two mirrors because each gives you a different perspective. As someone who always prized getting-ready time with my girls, this didn't bother me. In fact, it was rather fun to trade opinions with other girls and their moms. But I could see how some people want more privacy. And it might be awkward if two girls loved the same dress and had to wait for it to shuttle back and forth, and even more awkward if they had different body types! I never felt rushed, Gail put me in any and all dresses I expressed a desire to try on and she allowed me to come in three successive times to decide between two dresses when I just couldn't decide. (I knew in my heart which dress was the one, but second-guessed myself for a bit... I always struggle to actually make the final call on a big decision like that.) I'll update more about The Dress and Gail and her store as the fittings process commences.

Presenting... the Golden Lamb Buttery!

(a.k.a. our happy place)



Happiness is looking out over fields and a pond at brilliant-colored fall foliage. Happiness squared is looking out over fields and a pond at brilliant-colored fall foliage while sitting in a cozy rocking chair enjoying a drink :)

The Buttery itself is an old farm, now converted into a restaurant:



The inside is full of rustic decor and family memorabilia (the farm and restaurant have been in the same family for generations):



It also smells like hay, which I adore!!

We're hoping for good weather so guests can enjoy the porches and scenery looking over the back of the barn:



The Buttery is full of charm and quirks. See http://www.thegoldenlamb.com/ for more artful pictures! (The ones in this post are just a few of the dozens D and I have taken on our many trips there.)

How did we end up moving our wedding from a reception hall by the water in our own backyard to a barn/restaurant in the opposite corner of the state? By accident. Or as I like to think of it, by fate or divine intervention or the like.

We found the place completely by accident. D had been looking for restaurants to try when we hike upstate and he stumbled across an old New York Times article about the Buttery. When our original venue backed out, neither of us had liked any of the other venues in our hometown area and we decided to venture further upstate. As we were planning a trip to check out venues across the state, something clicked in D's mind and he suggested we check this place out, at least as a place to eat.

And we fell. in. love. Or at least I did. I wasn't sold on it as a wedding venue - even if you know you don't want a run-of-the-mill WIC wedding, it's still hard to go so drastically in the other direction - but the smell of the barn, the beautiful views, the warm and incredibly accommodating staff, and yes, the AMAAAAZING food, all sold us quickly.

We knew we wanted to spend more time there. A lot more. We discussed it as a rehearsal dinner venue. But we realized we didn't want only a few of our friends and family - those in the wedding - to experience it. We wanted everyone to feel the specialness of the Buttery. And when it came down to it, we wanted a wedding where down the road we could tell our kids about this totally offbeat venue we found, how much fun we had there, and how it's ok to not follow the path most people expect you (and many often "strongly encourage" you) to take.

We didn't decide that day. Two more trips followed in quick succession. We scheduled the first the next weekend to see a wedding taking place there so we could get a sense of the flow. Then we took our parents up the next weekend to get them comfortable with the idea. D's parents were on board it seemed from the get-go. My mom required a bit more work. She raised some questions - legitimate logistical ones - that we are still grappling with to date. For example, the Buttery has several rooms, so how do we make all guests feel included? And the tables are all different configurations - how do we do seating?

In the end, though, our parents saw we were happy there. We had tried the "make the decision and live with it for a day" strategy advocated by my grandma and mom, and had realized no other venue felt right and the Buttery was the one we kept going back to. We felt ready. So with our parents watching, we wrote one of those wonderful wedding checks that you have to take a deep breath as you re-read and count the zeros. And just like that, we were booked!

Now, a few months later, we know we made the right decision. There is no second-guessing as there was with our original venue. And we keep getting excited about the fun and unique little touches our wedding will include. One of our favorite touches:



That's right, hayrides! With drink service! What could be better??

Writing this has gotten me all giddy and ready to swing into planning mode again - so I'll harness some of that energy and get back in touch with more vendors! In the meantime, if any readers know the area or (total wishful thinking) have had weddings in the area, PLEASE send vendor recommendations our way! It is superhard to find good people when you don't have a network!

Reflections from a Spa Day

Yesterday, my former boss took me to the spa as a goodbye present. We ended up spending quite a bit of time on our own in separate rooms, which was sad because we didn't have all the girl time, but it also gave me lots of time to reflect as the stress floated away.

I found myself thinking about the whole wedding planning process and how much stress is crammed into each decision. Little details can suddenly take on a world of importance - what if we don't have flowers decorating the meeting house?? Will it be too plain? Will people focus on the absence of the flowers rather than the presence of centuries-old wood floors and pews? If we do have flowers will it make the meeting house just another wedding-decorated church?

It's funny to think that had our "original" wedding gone through, we never would have thought about choices like this. We would have had a much more standard wedding - one very much in line with "WIC" ("Wedding Industrial Complex" - a term I've seen on wedding blogs) preferences. It might have been easier, but certainly would have been less "us." We would have decorated my home church, as well as the tables at the reception hall, with lovely arrangements. We wouldn't have thought to question that.

But our new venue is a wonderful restaurant on a farm (our venue deserves and will get its own post soon!), and they grow their own flowers which will be scattered on tables for our wedding dinner. So we started thinking about whether we need - or even want - to purchase flowers just for the ceremony. It might dress up the church, but it will be hard to "match" the decor for the reception. After all, I haven't found too many florists who specialize in home-grown, just-picked, mismatched-jars-as-vases arrangements.

As I've been writing this post, I think I may have found the root of the problem. We don't want the "traditional" arrangements, but some scattered ones to match the reception decor might be nice. Perhaps we can pick some zinnias from the "Zinnia Guy," who grows a huge patch of them right behind the Inn where we will be staying throughout our wedding weekend.


[Check out the gorgeous homegrown zinnias in the lower left corner of this picture we took of one of the Inn's fireplaces.]

Perhaps as the girls and I get ready, we can pop some flowers into a few vases and send them toward the meeting house a bit ahead of us? That might give us the bit of color that would be a nice touch (and help tie the ceremony together with the reception) but not be a distraction from the simplicity of the meeting house.

They say when you find "The One," you know...

And in my case they were right. And Ms. Right was the first one I tried on at the first store I went to. I looked for others but nothing compared. So I bought her last August.

As it turns out, I purchased her for the wrong wedding. When I found her, we were having a summer beach wedding, but glammed up. Now we're getting married in a meeting house dating to the 1700s, followed by a reception in a barn, complete with hayrides. While I wouldn't trade our "real" wedding for anything (and I'm glad we were blessed with the chance for a "do-over"), I have a bit of thinking to do to make sure Ms. Right fits in with all the scenery of the day!

Any tips for how to dress up/dress down a dress in general? (I can't show pics because D will be reading this...)

(Non)Planning

By this point, (most of) the biggest details are set. We have our ceremony location, my dress, our reception venue and food, our photographer, some places for people to stay, and possibly even our colors (although not decided in that order). We are talking to officiants and DJs, and have about 2 dozen library books of potential honeymoon destinations scattered throughout our house. We're 8 months and a week out. We're doing well.

But we're definitely taking our time with all the planning. People keep asking "What about the music?" "What about the flowers?" "You have a reception but no ceremony?" And people keep getting engaged -- and surpassing us in both planning and wedding dates -- but still we drift on.

Perhaps our "nonplanning" is driven by the idea of moving with the current, going with the flow, central to the "Tao Te Ching" D and I both love. (He read it, thought it might benefit this Type A attorney and gave me the "Tao of Pooh" to start.)

Perhaps we are less driven to plan because we already planned -- at least in part -- our "original" wedding, one that ended up falling through due to a wonderful vendor who shall remain nameless...

But whatever the reason, our spreadsheet and old-fashioned calendar haven't actually changed our planning speed much. We see the dates and watch them pass, Excel tells us "Yes" things are overdue, we talk about times to talk about each element. But then life gets in the way. Momentum flows against us. I leave my job. We plan a Valentine's Day vacation. We get sidetracked after we're introduced to the "Jersey Shore." (Maybe that deserves it's own entry... as if enough people haven't already said what we're thinking!)

I know our wedding will come together. I've read (and shared with D) enough wedding blog entries reminding us to enjoy the process of joining our lives and to let the little things go if they will be more stress than they're worth. This is good advice and words we want to remember as we dive deeper into the wedding planning fray. And we have little moments, like we did last weekend, when we revel in the planning. As we take a walk down a quiet country road as the sun and temperature fall, and realize that in just a few short months we will be walking here as husband and wife.



At those times, we do just what all the wise advice instructs us, enjoy our moments and remember that even if we end up having no flowers, it will all be ok.

The Task Ahead

Recently, D and I spent some time putting together a to-do chart for the wedding. Three hours to be exact. And we are having a somewhat simple wedding - our venue will provide a lot of things like food and even flowers - so I can't imagine how much more organizing other brides need to do.

The Knot has 136 things for me to do. Brides may have even more (I got overwhelmed and stopped checking). And when we really thought it through, most little tasks seem to have several deadlines - for example for vendors we have to (1) research vendors, (2) contact ones we like, (3) then book the one we want.

We have an Excel spreadsheet as well as a written calendar, and both will be getting a lot of use.

I always feel better after I tackle a big project like this - but in this case I was half laughing and half crying when I realized how much we have to do in the next 8 months...

I think what makes it harder is the fact that we live across the state from where we are getting married, so it is a trip to go visit up there. Also, we're looking at vendors from a different pool than the area in which we live -- the Quiet Corner is served by vendors upstate, in Providence and even Boston.

Us

My fiance, D, and I got engaged in May 2009 and are planning an October 2010 wedding. D suggested starting a blog to compile some of what we learn about planning a wedding in the Quiet Corner. Hopefully this will serve as a scrapbook for us, as well as a source of advice for future Quiet Corner Brides. It's also a good project for me as I transition from my old job as a lawyer and search for my path in life.