Ceremony? Check.

Neither D nor I is particularly religious. Although I was very active in my Episcopalian church growing up, I have drifted away from Sunday morning church since college. D was raised Jewish, but he, too, attends services only on the biggest holy days at this point. So when it came to finding a place to be married, we were flexible. Same when it came to our officiants. Inside, outside, any faith... it was all fair game.

I had always assumed I would have an Episcopalian wedding - whatever that was - but admired those couples who wrote their own ceremony. Never did I think that might be us, even in part. But suddenly, I found myself hitting send on an email entitled "Ceremony Script," the words D and I had prepared for our ceremony, which we were sending to our officiants to review.

Our officiants provided us with some words and passages they like and some that are common in the Unitarian faith. But it was up to us to pick those words that resonated with us, those readings that reflected and/or inspired us and those vows which we wanted to pledge to one another as we become husband and wife.

It is a cool feeling to say "Ok, how do we want to be married? What do we really want to say to each other and our friends and families in honor of the commitment we are making?" However, it is a bit scary to be pretty much entirely in charge of the words we pick to solemnize our marriage. What if we pick the wrong things? Or if we pick the "perfect" words, only to later realize something else would have been "more perfect"?

We ended up with some fairly traditional content in parts of our ceremony, and unique elements blended into other sections. Even the traditional content feels more "us" because we hashed out alternatives and then truly chose those words as expressions of what we want to say on our big day. They have meaning to us beyond the "default" words out of the standard prayer book.

But as a perfectionist, having this much say means inevitably that I will be revising and re-thinking until October 9th. Even if D (who's so wonderful and laid-back) is satisfied, I know I won't be able to help myself, and I'll just keep tweaking. If only I could say "good enough" and let it go!



One thing I am torn over is a "traditional Native American" blessing:

Above you are the stars, below you are the stones. As time does pass, remember; Like a star should your love be constant, Like a stone should your love be firm.

I love it for its simplicity and grounded-ness (did I just make up that word?)... But when I researched it online to try to track down its origin, it was included in examples of "pagan" ceremonies (fine) and "satanic" ceremonies (totally and extremely NOT fine). I recoiled from it for its possible connections, despite loving its words and its message. So I have removed it from our ceremony. While on the one hand I love it, I am simultaneously uncomfortable with it because I can't say for sure that it isn't in some way a satanic cult prayer. But I think I'll keep seeking more information, hoping that it really is just an Apache or Cherokee blessing and nothing more.