It's All Because Two People Fell in Love...

Brad Paisley hit the nail on the head for a good wedding mantra with that song. It's hard to remember -- but crucial to try -- that ultimately the wedding is about two people in love joining their lives together. Their family and friends too. It is not about who is staying in what hotel. It is not about the mix-ins with the flowers. It is not about who makes the rehearsal. Or what readings are done. Or whether it rains (as the Almanac is predicting). Or whether my hair is too wavy... or not curly enough. Or who sits with whom - or doesn't want to sit with whom. Or whether I can get my contacts in or end up wearing glasses (or squinting and keeping my fingers crossed that I don't upset people trying to catch my eye to say hello). Or whether the dances work with my dress. Or whether the songs I love most get played. Or whether the transportation shows on time, late, or not at all (but I really hope it's the former). Or who wants a role in the wedding. Or who won't be able to come to the wedding. Or any number of other things.

It's easy to get caught up in details, when anxiety starts hitting about the big things. Anxiety is a funny animal - sometimes you don't even know when it has entered the room and it may be there lurking for a while before it growls in your face. People have been pulling me aside, calling and texting to ask how I am doing and whether I am stressed and how stressed I am. Up until yesterday, I was saying honestly, "it hasn't really hit yet." 24 days out and it hadn't caught up with me yet.

But all it took was one little thing coming at the wrong time and it is here. An issue -- not all that major in the end -- raised after a stressful conversation about work and suddenly, I was feeling my muscles stiffen, my stomach churn and four letter words leave my lips. Oy.

It took a while (and a good night of sleep and crisp early morning walk) to get back to a rational place. I can focus on the big things again and not worry about the little ones. For example:

- We have our marriage license. And it is packed in a box of favors and other necessaries for the wedding. We WILL be getting married.
- We did a final walk-through (or two) of the venue. On one of our visits, the random Tuesday when we went to get our marriage license, it was blustery, cold and rainy. A gross day, perfect for moping and shivering. But when we stepped inside the Buttery, the coziness broke through my funk and calm flooded through me. I had to stay for lunch and cozy up in the studio and watch the trees and rain blow by outside. Even if it rains on our wedding, it will be perfect - and in fact, possibly more perfect (other than the fact that the hayrides would be canceled) because we will also have fires in the fireplaces and candles on all the tables.
- My hair and makeup trials went well. There are still a few details to work out, but I love the women I'll be working with and they will go a long way to keeping me calm on the actual day. And if I don't like something, I can always wash it off/out.
- The flowers are set. The florist has the finalized flower plan and I can just sit back and wait to see them on the big day. Even if I did email my mom at late o'clock last night to say "what if I think I want them totally different." They will be beautiful and they will be fine. And I always have the Zinnia Guy just a few steps from where I am staying.

More good things have happened, too, but guests have to wait to see those on the big day itself!

Relaxation

I keep wearing myself down and getting sick. So lucky for me, this week was pretty much devoid of any wedding must-dos (besides thank you notes, of course!) and I have been able to relax a bit. At this point, I have very few to dos left. Even the checklist on theknot.com can't think of much to yell at me about. So I can just focus on getting un-sick.

My big wedding accomplishment of the week besides thank you notes has been beauty stuff. I set my hair and makeup trial appointments for September. My mom and I will head up to the Quiet Corner in a couple of weeks for a day of fun. I wouldn't want to go without her, since she'll be an objective set of eyes at those appointments. Especially because it is hard to pick vendors from across the state, having never used them before.

The biggest outstanding issue at this point is the boys' formalwear, an issue that isn't really "mine" although I keep worrying about it. D and one of his groomsman will hopefully resolve that tomorrow. Also, the whole issue of kids at our wedding will be addressed tonight in a meeting, and we will then re-work our ceremony this weekend. Stressful (yes, I tweaked my neck out BADLY again) but at least that drama is almost over.

I am excited for the weekend because D and I plan on breaking in the new waffle maker (my bro's "shower" gift, which he ordered us to use before the wedding) and I also want to make the "Navajo Peach Crumble" recipe my aunt sent me for my shower. With fresh peaches from the farmers market. Yum!

Also, my second dress fitting is tomorrow... hopefully the tailor won't turn me into a human pincushion again :(

Perspective.

I got stuck at a stoplight this morning, in a not-as-nice area of town. As I waited for the light to change, I saw a woman laden down with shopping bags coaxing her young daughter away from some flowers to cross the street. The little girl did not want to leave those few little flowers behind, so the mom waited and missed the first walk signal. Her daughter, not more than three or four years old, had a pink hat, a bit too small, perched on top of her head. Her completely bald head. I don't know for sure if she was undergoing chemo, or if something else was the cause. But THAT is not fair.

Heartache

I love D. A lot. So much that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. But I am not sure I am ready to make that commitment to his family too. There are some issues there, issues that may force us to overhaul our vision of our wedding and acquiesce to someone else's view. We have been told that if we have the wedding as we want and have planned, there may be "hard feelings." We have been threatened that someone may not attend. This sucks. Like seriously sucks. It is so totally unfair.

Amazing.

I have some seriously amazing women in my life. A whole group of them from many stages of my life. And they rock.

My shower and bachelorette party are over. I am a bit sad, naturally. But I also keep randomly smiling throughout the day, remembering little snippets of conversation and moments of laughter from that day and night.

What a wonderful life!

Eeeeeee!

Getting ready for a day and night with my besties! So excited :D

I finally got out of bed a few minutes ago, after laying there for over an hour trying to calm down and get back to sleep. Time for a quiet walk before the neighborhood wakes up, then shower and bachelorette party!!!

Ceremony? Check.

Neither D nor I is particularly religious. Although I was very active in my Episcopalian church growing up, I have drifted away from Sunday morning church since college. D was raised Jewish, but he, too, attends services only on the biggest holy days at this point. So when it came to finding a place to be married, we were flexible. Same when it came to our officiants. Inside, outside, any faith... it was all fair game.

I had always assumed I would have an Episcopalian wedding - whatever that was - but admired those couples who wrote their own ceremony. Never did I think that might be us, even in part. But suddenly, I found myself hitting send on an email entitled "Ceremony Script," the words D and I had prepared for our ceremony, which we were sending to our officiants to review.

Our officiants provided us with some words and passages they like and some that are common in the Unitarian faith. But it was up to us to pick those words that resonated with us, those readings that reflected and/or inspired us and those vows which we wanted to pledge to one another as we become husband and wife.

It is a cool feeling to say "Ok, how do we want to be married? What do we really want to say to each other and our friends and families in honor of the commitment we are making?" However, it is a bit scary to be pretty much entirely in charge of the words we pick to solemnize our marriage. What if we pick the wrong things? Or if we pick the "perfect" words, only to later realize something else would have been "more perfect"?

We ended up with some fairly traditional content in parts of our ceremony, and unique elements blended into other sections. Even the traditional content feels more "us" because we hashed out alternatives and then truly chose those words as expressions of what we want to say on our big day. They have meaning to us beyond the "default" words out of the standard prayer book.

But as a perfectionist, having this much say means inevitably that I will be revising and re-thinking until October 9th. Even if D (who's so wonderful and laid-back) is satisfied, I know I won't be able to help myself, and I'll just keep tweaking. If only I could say "good enough" and let it go!



One thing I am torn over is a "traditional Native American" blessing:

Above you are the stars, below you are the stones. As time does pass, remember; Like a star should your love be constant, Like a stone should your love be firm.

I love it for its simplicity and grounded-ness (did I just make up that word?)... But when I researched it online to try to track down its origin, it was included in examples of "pagan" ceremonies (fine) and "satanic" ceremonies (totally and extremely NOT fine). I recoiled from it for its possible connections, despite loving its words and its message. So I have removed it from our ceremony. While on the one hand I love it, I am simultaneously uncomfortable with it because I can't say for sure that it isn't in some way a satanic cult prayer. But I think I'll keep seeking more information, hoping that it really is just an Apache or Cherokee blessing and nothing more.

Busy Sunday

There is less than one week until my bridal shower and bachelorette party and I am beyond excited! I get to see all my closest friends, all together, for a fun-filled girly weekend :)

The plan involves the girls staying over at D's and my new house, and it will be the first time any of them have seen it. It will also be the ultimate test - fitting 7 or 8 girls onto a bed, a futon, a couch and a few air mattresses, all within 800 square feet. Hopefully the house is up for the challenge!



D and I spent today doing a lot of cleaning. Just like I plan to glam up for the weekend's festivities, the house gets to as well. Last year when we moved into our last rental, we moved in at the end of June and had a 4th of July party planned for a bunch of people. We unpacked FAST. This year, with our new house that we own, we wanted to take our time and unpack carefully since we will hopefully be here for years (or decades!) and we wanted to be smart about it. We tentatively planned a housewarming party, but were quite unmotivated on the unpacking and didn't go forward with it. So the house has not been warmed yet. And as of today, much still had not been unpacked.

As of this evening, a lot has been done. More boxes have been emptied, recycled and contents sorted and put away. We've been here a month and used this day to re-organize certain things around the way we've been using the house. We also gave here a good top to bottom cleaning. We've been good (very good for us!) about cleaning frequently, but a house full of guests motivated us to get all the corners and little areas we might otherwise rush through. We'll clean once more on Friday before the Saturday festivities.

Then I just get to sit back, relax and enjoy the company of all the women I love most in this world. I can't wait!!

The Accidental Cake

I wasn't planning on having a cake. Or rather, D and I weren't planning on having a cake. We had a great idea for a different dessert, one that is very "us" -- and delicious to boot.

But to have the tradition of cutting a piece, we would have had to cut one dessert in half, an odd bit of ceremony for two people joining together. The more I thought about it, the more I didn't like the idea of ceremoniously cutting something in half at a party to celebrate us joining together.

I set out looking for a small cake from which D and I could jointly cut a piece, but somewhere along the way, that one small cake became a real, actual wedding cake. And I am (strangely, at least to me) very excited about it. For one thing, it is just so pretty!! And after I spoke with the baker about what flavors and fillings I wanted and my mom and I placed the order, I got all giddy. Like a trousseau, a traditional wedding cake is something I never wanted until my mom and I went to get it... and I got all emotional and excited.

I think my excitement was fueled by the fact that the woman making our cake is really nice and operates her shop out of her home. Not to mention that her cakes are good looking too!



Maybe we'll be ordering one of these from her in a few years? :)

Rubber Stamps... or How I Became a DIY-er

Just as much as Martha Stewart Weddings and other traditional bridal magazines appealed to me through the years (well prior to my engagement), non-traditional bride websites and blogs have appealed to me since becoming a Fiance. I love reading about all the clever, heart-warming and utterly unique weddings couples have created. I love the idea of having a ceremony that is totally "us" - not a packaged celebration that 3 other brides have the same weekend at the same venue.

D is the kind of guy who wants to fix everything himself in the new house we bought. And together, we decided to try to put our stamp on our wedding. That being said, we know our limitations. I started off our wedding planning process in a high-stress job, and he continues in such a job to this day. We knew our time would be limited, and I also recognized that my craftiness is limited. We never thought we would become a DIY bride and groom.

Then we designed our Save the Dates. (And our second Save the Dates, when we needed a new venue.) Then we hand-addressed our own invitations. We came up with a few very personal ideas for the ceremony. We decided to assemble our favors ourselves. Nothing too major.

But then we started looking at programs and menus and even escort cards. And I realized that nothing out there looked right. Nothing comes close to the look or feel of our invitations, which we love. So somewhere along the line, my Googling switched over from pre-made items to the components to make the items. I am now excited to hit up the Great American Stamp Store, a store I never knew existed, despite passing it hundreds of times.



I'm looking forward to leaving our stamp (bad pun intended) on our wedding!