Brad Paisley hit the nail on the head for a good wedding mantra with that song. It's hard to remember -- but crucial to try -- that ultimately the wedding is about two people in love joining their lives together. Their family and friends too. It is not about who is staying in what hotel. It is not about the mix-ins with the flowers. It is not about who makes the rehearsal. Or what readings are done. Or whether it rains (as the Almanac is predicting). Or whether my hair is too wavy... or not curly enough. Or who sits with whom - or doesn't want to sit with whom. Or whether I can get my contacts in or end up wearing glasses (or squinting and keeping my fingers crossed that I don't upset people trying to catch my eye to say hello). Or whether the dances work with my dress. Or whether the songs I love most get played. Or whether the transportation shows on time, late, or not at all (but I really hope it's the former). Or who wants a role in the wedding. Or who won't be able to come to the wedding. Or any number of other things.
It's easy to get caught up in details, when anxiety starts hitting about the big things. Anxiety is a funny animal - sometimes you don't even know when it has entered the room and it may be there lurking for a while before it growls in your face. People have been pulling me aside, calling and texting to ask how I am doing and whether I am stressed and how stressed I am. Up until yesterday, I was saying honestly, "it hasn't really hit yet." 24 days out and it hadn't caught up with me yet.
But all it took was one little thing coming at the wrong time and it is here. An issue -- not all that major in the end -- raised after a stressful conversation about work and suddenly, I was feeling my muscles stiffen, my stomach churn and four letter words leave my lips. Oy.
It took a while (and a good night of sleep and crisp early morning walk) to get back to a rational place. I can focus on the big things again and not worry about the little ones. For example:
- We have our marriage license. And it is packed in a box of favors and other necessaries for the wedding. We WILL be getting married.
- We did a final walk-through (or two) of the venue. On one of our visits, the random Tuesday when we went to get our marriage license, it was blustery, cold and rainy. A gross day, perfect for moping and shivering. But when we stepped inside the Buttery, the coziness broke through my funk and calm flooded through me. I had to stay for lunch and cozy up in the studio and watch the trees and rain blow by outside. Even if it rains on our wedding, it will be perfect - and in fact, possibly more perfect (other than the fact that the hayrides would be canceled) because we will also have fires in the fireplaces and candles on all the tables.
- My hair and makeup trials went well. There are still a few details to work out, but I love the women I'll be working with and they will go a long way to keeping me calm on the actual day. And if I don't like something, I can always wash it off/out.
- The flowers are set. The florist has the finalized flower plan and I can just sit back and wait to see them on the big day. Even if I did email my mom at late o'clock last night to say "what if I think I want them totally different." They will be beautiful and they will be fine. And I always have the Zinnia Guy just a few steps from where I am staying.
More good things have happened, too, but guests have to wait to see those on the big day itself!
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